For Those Who Are Hurting...

You can consider this a letter to the past, to the me of July, 2010.  When I felt, indeed alone and lost and weary.  Beyond hope and full of despair.  I felt my dreams crushed and beyond my reach.  I felt isolated and in the dark.   

I wasn't suicidal, but at this time, I was BEGGING for Jesus to come back.  Or to go to sleep and not wake up.  It was a tough, tough spot.  

And I know that chances are, with the traffic that comes through these "doors", that some of you reading this know EXACTLY where I was, because you are there.  This letter is to you. 

Dear sweetly broken girl,

I know you feel hopeless and "done".  I know you are tired of trying and want to give up.  I know that you don't know how you will get through the rest of the day, let alone another whole year that looms ahead of you.  I know you feel like your prayers fall on deaf ears...that God feels further than he has ever been.  Can I gently suggest that he may be closer than ever?  That the shadows that surround you may be the hand of God hiding you in the cleft of the rock protecting you? 

Exodus 33:22 says "When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by."

That means His hand is on you.  Protecting you from danger.  I know it doesn't feel that way.  Believe me, I know.  You have never felt further from His touch.  You feel punished.  You feel deserted.  But HE IS THERE.  Use this time to push towards Him.  When you are sad, read the Bible.  When you hurt, read a devotional.  When you feel alone, read the Bible.  When you are desperate pray...out loud...in a scream if you must.  Give it your all, He can take it.  DIG your heels in and refuse to let go.  Pull from every ounce of stubbornness you can muster up. Don't stop going to church, don't stop reaching out, don't give up on community.  Stick to your guns.  Go through the same motions that you would if things were "normal".  In some areas, I dare say "Fake it til you make it".  

Ask anyone who will listen to pray for you.   

Ignore anyone who tells you to get over it.  

God has not left you.  He is not punishing you.  He still loves you.  He has a plan FOR YOU.  It's better than yours. 

I can trace most of the steps of both answered and unanswered prayers from that time has brought much confusion into focus, in a way that only time can.  I can tell you, that if God doesn't answer a prayer the way you would like, that He is either protecting you or has something better in mind.  Or both.      

I just don't want you to give up.  

There is good around the corner.  This time next year or in the future, you will be wiser.  And better.  More patient and more kind.  If you are seeking Him, you will be closer than ever.  You will fight for the presence that you have with him now because...     

He is close to the brokenhearted.  

Don't waste this chance to grow. 

Don't give up. 

Don't stop going to church. 

Don't stop reaching out.

Don't stop reading the Bible.    

I've noticed that people who do these things, do so at the least appropriate time in their lives, ever.  By doing these things, you are only doing the bidding of the enemy.  he wants you alone and isolated. 

You are punishing yourself, not God. 

My pastor said something that stuck with me...to HEAR God, you have to put yourself in His proximity.  You have to know Him and seek Him to HEAR Him.  It just doesn't work with wishing.    

I am just here to beg you to not give up.  It does get better.  

As I sit here, I feel like I am carrying around less "junk" than ever in my life.  And I know it is by the grace of God and my stubbornness to BE JOYFUL.  I know that I am "better" than ever because instead of isolating myself, I rolled up my sleeves and said "Let's do this".    

My dreams have been restored.  And they gleam more than ever before.  Instead of pining that we are not home YET, I am making sure that every decision and action we take takes us closer to that goal.  I am restoring and reaching out and pushing forward.  I am enjoying THIS day and whatever it brings.  I am choosing to be thankful and focus on our blessings. 

It is a process to get from July 2010 to July 2013.  But YOU CAN DO IT!

I want you to know that you are not alone.  I believe that you can push through. 

I will leave you with this fresh thought.  One that YOU can choose to make awesome:

“Behold, I am making all things new.” Rev 21:5

And as our pastor pointed out...that is present tense, my friend.   

Be encouraged. Stay strong. Keep fighting.

In Christ,

Callie

Listening to: Rescue is Coming by David Crowder Band

Death and Life

I'm not sure where to start this post.

My mind is racing in 100 different directions.

I'm struggling with how people can choose to take their own life, but others are fighting to keep theirs and loose....

Today, Keke Fuller went to be with Jesus in Heaven. After a 40+ day fight for her life...Jesus called her home. We prayed that Jesus would heal her completely...and He did. Just not the way we wanted...but She is healed, and whole, and in the presence of our perfect father in heaven.

Today I cried. I cried for a family that lost their sweet smiling 6 year old. I cried for all the pain that this family is having to go through, and will continue to as they learn how to go on with this new way of life... I cried for all the people who will never get to meet this sweet little girl.

But one think I don't cry about, is that  Keke is in heaven with Jesus. She is sitting at his feet. I'm not crying for all the people who have returned to praying because of this little girl.

Today, I thought a lot about Zack.

About his life...About his death... About everything that happened during that dash that in on his tombstone... I wonder what he was thinking, doing, dreaming....

I miss my friend so much.

I struggle with the idea that he took his life....and keke had to fight for hers... and loose.


God is teaching me a lot through this.

He has taught me that There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need them to change your life or you are the one that will change theirs.

I think Zack was put in my life for me to help change his life...but for him to change mine. Keke was put in my path for her to change my life.... Both of them taught me the value of life, and how it can end so quickly. How to live life to the fullest because we don't know how long we have. For Keke, she only had 6 years, for Zack, 18....I don't know how long I will have, but I know I must live life to the fullest.

Tonight, Pray for the Fuller Family.. Pray for Keke's parents, siblings, and her twin brother.


Tonight, think about your life. the limited time you have here on earth. and the time that you have to make a difference.

Tonight, hug your family. Appreciate the time you had with them today, and don't take for granted the time you have tomorrow...Because you never know when your last day will be.


In Christ's Love,


Callie


Listening to: Why by Rascal Flats

Able

This post is my attempt to share the amazing, speechless things the Lord is doing in my life right now.

ABLE. This word has been spoken to me more times in the past week than I think I have ever heard it in my life!

Able by NeedToBreathe- Carry round the secrets only heaven knows,Crawl into our darkened rooms where only victims go.Though I feel I'm strong enough to carry all this load, I'm not able on my own...

God is Able-Hillsong- Lifted up, He defeated the grave,Raised to life,Our God is able.In His name We overcome,For the Lord Our God is able

God is Great, God is Able

I am so thankful my God is Able! He can can carry what I am not able to carry, he will never leave us. He is faithful! Just. Almighty. Daddy. All-knowing. Abba Father. My savior. Redeemer. Friend.

God is overwhelming me with his Love, Mercy, and Grace. Right now, I would probably consider my emotional level to be at one of it's weakest points ever, Yet my God is ableto provide the healing, support, love, and care I need.

My father is Able! I know he is with me, every step of the way. I know his love has lit the way. I know 100% that I am exactly where I am suppose to be right now. I have found a group of honest, authentic Christians who just want to love Jesus, and share that Overwhelmingly wonderful news with everyone they come in contact with! I am thankful that even in the midst of everything going on, God is putting people, churches, groups in my life and my relationship with him has never grown more, and for that, I am thankful!

I may not be able on my own, but I sure do serve a faithful God who is!

Until next time,

Callie

Listening to: God is Able by Hillsong